This week has been a whirlwind, it's been a Godly whirlwind.
I was getting scripture thrown at me left and right, and just almost to the point of needing it to stop, because I didn't really know how to handle it all. Most people kind of just let me be me, I generally am on top of things and know how to appear smart, but I was getting my act called this week, and it was really convicting me.
So wednesday came, and I honestly have never had a day in the past few years where I just took a walk with no purpose. I was by myself and I was just walking, sometimes not saying anything, sometimes humming, but basically wondering what I was supposed to be doing. I was wondering why I was just walking, shouldn't I be doing something, practicing, rehearsing, studying, sleeping, eating, working out, making fun of someone, cursing someone, worrying, crying, joking, something, anything!? It was bothering me, among other things, and then God and I just had a moment, it wasn't profound, it wasn't a voice, it was just a thought that said "be still"
Psalm 46:10 (NIV)
"Be still, and know that I am GOD;
I will be exalted among the nations;
I will be exalted in the earth."
So I sat down, and watched the world go by, and it was amazing.
I did this for an hour, I did not talk once!
I then had dinner and spent some time being challenged by a very close friend, quite possibly one of the most challenging and amazing people I have met in my almost 22 years. We decided we were spending too much time together, and said we wouldn't see each other till saturday. I praise God that he gave me a friend like her, because she really was knocking it too me, just letting me know I needed to chill out, let God work, and just be patient, and stop being so cocky. Yeah....she was pointing out everything, hahaha
I got cocky this week, and a tad complacent. I felt good, I was not only learning the word, but I was feeling it, I'm starting to be able to quote it, and I thought I was in a pretty good place. Then God told me not good enough.
I've been reading Matthew this week, but I really needed a reality check, and these two verses took me back to the basics.
Philippians 1:3-4
"I thank my God everytime I remember you. In all of my prayers for you, I pray for joy."
Let me back up, I read a bible that really talked about meditating upon God's work and it hit me hard. I tend to rush, I've always got a lot of things going on, and I tend to just blow right through. I cannot rush the bible or God, and I just stopped at these two verses....and I prayed.
I prayed for about 30 minutes, I concentrated on prayer for 30 minutes, I gave thanks to the lord for 30 minutes!!!!!!!
PRAISE GOD
This whole week I was asking to be made bold and to just be an encouragement, and I forgot all about myself, I just kept thanking him for every little thing, because yes I could use this and this and this, but not why thank him for this and this and this, thank him for being able to pray, and to need, and to just rejoice in his amazing splendor and glory!!! Then I supplemented the word with
a book titled "Downpour" by James MacDonald.
This book rocked me today, to my core. I got very troubled, because I knew I wasn't humbling myself, I knew I was thinking of myself in a very good light, I was getting cocky, and chapter 2 was all about God's holiness and how I will NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER EVER EVER MEASURE UP. How dare I think I can question God's judgment, and to think I know better??? This is the God that created universes beyond our own!!! Who has seraphim seated by his throne, who cover their face and their feet in fear of his eyes of fire looking upon them.
My God is an angry and jealous God, and he loves me, but I better bow down to him, because his son died for me and I was starting to think I deserved it.
God, I do not deserve anything you give me, you have blessed me insurmountably, and have never failed to come through in a pinch. You have tested me and made me grow, and I will never understand why you died for me, but you did, because you created me, and you love me and you're amazing, and totally awesome, and 100% above me in every single fashion.
Thank you God, thank you for being the most amazing thing that has ever been, is, and will be. Praise you O Ancient of Days for the world you have created and the words you have spoken. Thank you for giving me life and a free conscious. I pray that every day I live in reverent fear and awe of you, and that I strive to not be complacent and to grow in you by every passing second.
God, you rock my world, AND universe.
Praise God guys, he's a totally killer dude, and I hope he's some doing killer stuff in your guys's lives as well, praying for all of ya'll, pray for me!!!!
Paz,
Jason
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