I struggle with giving it up

A lot of my friends probably have no idea, or would call me a fool, but I've come to the realization that I am not in charge of anything

I do make conscious choices, I am responsible for my own actions, but how am I here? Who created me? Is my life just happening, is it pre-determined?  Is it one of those pick-your-own adventure story books?

I really need my blue like jazz book, that book seriously helped me a lot with my struggles.

I struggle with God, I struggle with realizing that there is a God who created me, and who knows me better than I know myself.  I often shut people out, I do not like letting people really know anything about me, what they see is what they get.  I definitely have walls, and somehow I just realized it, even though my sisters have been hitting me with that for years.

Apparently I'm very stubborn

The basic thing I have come to realize is this, something had to create this universe, I do not believe that a little atom just exploded.  I believe in the one true God, the holy spirit, the dude who lifted up his cross and told us to follow him.

I do not love enough, or give enough, but I pray that God makes me bolder every day I live through him.

I struggle with it giving up

but God is always there

Jason